Am I Important?

“Am I Important? Will anyone miss me if I’m not around anymore?”

This question ring to my mind repeatedly today.

When people who saw you as the most important person in her life, start to treat you as strangers\, you start to question of your worth. You start to question if you are even any important at all for anyone.

“You are a caterpillar” a message came to my me. “Currently you may feel that you are caused a lot of loss to other, that you are a pest, but you are growing… and evolving… One day, you will become a butterfly. Beautiful and Purposeful.”

Be Patient. One day. Beautiful. In its time.

 

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Prayer

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I encounter this picture from the Pinterest of the best man and groom prayed together. My first reaction was I think I will feel embarrassed to do this. But a question popped in my heart,

“Do I believe in the power and importance of prayer? If yes, why would I feel embarrassed then?”

This challenge me to believe in the value of prayer, not just in my words but in my action as well.

These Simple Truths

Be strong in the Lord

Never give up hope

You’re gonna do great things

I already know

God’s got His hand on you so

Don’t live life in fear

Forgive and forget

But don’t forget why you’re here

Take your time and pray

 

Change

My life is changing.

Part of me is clinging onto the familiarity of the past.

The security of relationship and friendship.

Yet life has taken them away.

I try to pick myself up.

Pieces that are left of me.

The more pieces I pick.

The more fear I felt.

Fear to lose my old self.

Is this change for the better? or is it for the worse?

No one knows.

But I just know that there is no other way.

Except to move forward.

Step by Step.

To the unknown.

I wish

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At first the interpretation was:
The tree was alone.  It felt lonely. The tree had red leaves, which would fall and soon wither.

It had a request.

It wished.. upon a star.
However in day light, there was no star

So it is an impossible request.

Yet the Lord touch my heart and let me see in another perspective of view.

I realise the more Green pasture arround the tree. It is blessed with a good soil

There are stars shining dimly.  (Though it is there because of previously I draw it in a night scene.) It signifies hope

And we know that though the leaves fall, it will later grow again.

This picture signifies my desperation when I first created it.
Now it shows the invisible hope that I did not see due to my clouded heart.

Transformation through Love

“Behind every great man, there is a great woman”

I believe that you have heard the above proverb. Do you agree? I would partially agree on that. For me the proverb should be “Behind every great people, there is another person loving him/her”. I believe it is the love that transforms the ordinary person into a great person.

Love, it is the primary needs of a man soul. Without love all will be meaningless.

I once read “Naruto” (Japanese Manga). In the manga, the villain wanted to destroy the whole world (stir a great war), only because he lost his loved one. At first, I thought what a stupid reason to destroy the world. Can’t the mangaka find a better reason? However, after reflecting (Oh no! Did I start meditating on Naruto? =p) on my life, I felt that yes, it is a strong reason.

When you live without feel loved, you will feel empty.

When you live without feel loved, you will feel meaningless.

When you live without feel loved, you lost the purpose of living.

We are created for love. When we are filled fully with a lot of love, there we find fulfillment in live. We will start to be more creative. We will start to do greater things. All because of love.

My mother told me once; some people want to get marry only after they are wealthy enough. She disagreed with that, because she believed that when you are married even if your career is still low, God will provide the “daily bread” enough for the whole family. When I reflect about this, I think the daily bread that God provides, is through love from the spouse, love from the family. You will be filled with the love from the spouse. This love creates miracles in what you do. Your job/career is transformed from the overflowing love.

Love stirs our passion of creation.

Therefore, surrounds yourselves with loving people around you. It is not only from girlfriend, fiancée or spouses (well, they are one of a great source of love though). It can be from friends, siblings, family community and especially from God.

Mother Theresa once said “The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved”. Let us love one another. You may help them (directly or indirectly) to fulfill their purpose in life that God has bestowed them for.

Creation in this reading refers to the act of creating, when we do our work it is the act of creating good things (product, idea or system).

A day of Grace

Because I don’t have the chance to share testimony in Emmaus today, so I decide to write it in a blog. I cannot find a specific title for this story, however after thinking quite long, I think it is appropriate to put this article as “A day of Grace” because only by His Grace I am found again and I am empowered. So here is my story:

In my current job, it has been a very tough week for me. Every week has its own challenges. Even after 3 months working, I still felt a lot of thing that I have not been familiar with, especially for daily duties and responsibilities.  Therefore, I felt so exhausted during the weekdays, and in my last days of weekends, there are always a lot of fears to face again the routine of the week. Moreover, I am working on Sunday to Thursday (still have two off days, Praise God =)), so it is another obstacle to work on Sunday while other people is relaxing. It feels unfair.

This week is even worse. I need to come on Friday (my off day) from 8.30 to 14.00. I thought I could go back on 12.00. However there are assessment for the training, that will be conducted after lunch, so I need to stay until 14.00. I did not expect this to happen, so I was in a very bad mood. I needed to have lunch in company, I expected better food and better lunch. I needed to stay so late, my precious off day hours was cut by 2 hours! T_T

Because of this reason, I was in a very bad mood, almost the whole Friday and at the half day of Saturday. I started to think a lot of other bad things that happened in my life (When  I am in a bad mood, I will find other things to blame for) and become so sad and so emo.

But here is the wonderful things, God  really inspires me and touches my heart a lot today. It started with the mass. I was pretty much disturbed during the mass,  I questioned to God a lot of things. Sometime my mind cannot capture the readings well or even the homily. However, God is present in the mass, and during the mass, I felt that I had all my questions answered through the songs in the mass.

I was affirmed that the Lord is searching me, He knew that I was lost, and He was searching for me. At the mass, I felt that I was found by God again, and with Him, my fear was gone. During the mass, though I did not put much attention on the homily and the readings, I was found by God again and He poured His grace to me. He is real and present in the mass.

After mass, I attended Emmaus, and God touches my heart even more. From the song “Everlasting God” I was reminded by a verse that I put in my Facebook “He who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength and they will soar as with Eagle’s wing” Isaiah 40. God invited me again to hope in him and He promised to renew my strength =).

Moreover, through the song “Blessed be your name”, I learned to let go. To let go and let everything be done according to His way. Eventually this song reminded me in a lot of times during the week, that God has helped me. I was shocked that I did not give Him enough thanks giving for what He has done. He has actually helped me to finish one of my project that previously I felt that I will not be able to do it. By letting go a lot of my plan and let God do His plans, I started to see His blessing more and more.

Through the teaching, I remembered one very nice quote by the speaker, Ben. “We are all weak, but some people is used to being weak and dependent to the Lord”.  I was touched deeply. During these weeks, I have been trying to depend on myself. I tried hard to meet the expectation of my boss. I did not want to be too dependent on God, I felt insecure if I cannot handle all with my abilities and my skills. I still remembered that I was so frustrated after a teaching rehearsal, knowing that I am still in the same stage where I was before. I can’t get my points across without having rehearsal where my friends helped to give input. I tried to depend on myself, my skill and my ability rather than depending on His Holy Spirit. However, I was reminded again through this experience, to surrender only in Him every day, for He is my refuge, my rock and my shield.

So I am back to the initial stage, to start again as His servant, walking step by step, in my weaknesses, doing my best with His grace daily. I believe the journey will not be easy having said “I trust in His divine providence daily”, but I am doing it with God!

 

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me” (Philippians 4:13)