Because I don’t have the chance to share testimony in Emmaus today, so I decide to write it in a blog. I cannot find a specific title for this story, however after thinking quite long, I think it is appropriate to put this article as “A day of Grace” because only by His Grace I am found again and I am empowered. So here is my story:
In my current job, it has been a very tough week for me. Every week has its own challenges. Even after 3 months working, I still felt a lot of thing that I have not been familiar with, especially for daily duties and responsibilities. Therefore, I felt so exhausted during the weekdays, and in my last days of weekends, there are always a lot of fears to face again the routine of the week. Moreover, I am working on Sunday to Thursday (still have two off days, Praise God =)), so it is another obstacle to work on Sunday while other people is relaxing. It feels unfair.
This week is even worse. I need to come on Friday (my off day) from 8.30 to 14.00. I thought I could go back on 12.00. However there are assessment for the training, that will be conducted after lunch, so I need to stay until 14.00. I did not expect this to happen, so I was in a very bad mood. I needed to have lunch in company, I expected better food and better lunch. I needed to stay so late, my precious off day hours was cut by 2 hours! T_T
Because of this reason, I was in a very bad mood, almost the whole Friday and at the half day of Saturday. I started to think a lot of other bad things that happened in my life (When I am in a bad mood, I will find other things to blame for) and become so sad and so emo.
But here is the wonderful things, God really inspires me and touches my heart a lot today. It started with the mass. I was pretty much disturbed during the mass, I questioned to God a lot of things. Sometime my mind cannot capture the readings well or even the homily. However, God is present in the mass, and during the mass, I felt that I had all my questions answered through the songs in the mass.
I was affirmed that the Lord is searching me, He knew that I was lost, and He was searching for me. At the mass, I felt that I was found by God again, and with Him, my fear was gone. During the mass, though I did not put much attention on the homily and the readings, I was found by God again and He poured His grace to me. He is real and present in the mass.
After mass, I attended Emmaus, and God touches my heart even more. From the song “Everlasting God” I was reminded by a verse that I put in my Facebook “He who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength and they will soar as with Eagle’s wing” Isaiah 40. God invited me again to hope in him and He promised to renew my strength =).
Moreover, through the song “Blessed be your name”, I learned to let go. To let go and let everything be done according to His way. Eventually this song reminded me in a lot of times during the week, that God has helped me. I was shocked that I did not give Him enough thanks giving for what He has done. He has actually helped me to finish one of my project that previously I felt that I will not be able to do it. By letting go a lot of my plan and let God do His plans, I started to see His blessing more and more.
Through the teaching, I remembered one very nice quote by the speaker, Ben. “We are all weak, but some people is used to being weak and dependent to the Lord”. I was touched deeply. During these weeks, I have been trying to depend on myself. I tried hard to meet the expectation of my boss. I did not want to be too dependent on God, I felt insecure if I cannot handle all with my abilities and my skills. I still remembered that I was so frustrated after a teaching rehearsal, knowing that I am still in the same stage where I was before. I can’t get my points across without having rehearsal where my friends helped to give input. I tried to depend on myself, my skill and my ability rather than depending on His Holy Spirit. However, I was reminded again through this experience, to surrender only in Him every day, for He is my refuge, my rock and my shield.
So I am back to the initial stage, to start again as His servant, walking step by step, in my weaknesses, doing my best with His grace daily. I believe the journey will not be easy having said “I trust in His divine providence daily”, but I am doing it with God!
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me” (Philippians 4:13)